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Coaching

Yesterday I conducted a coaching demonstration.

I struggled.

Striped bare.

Wintry cold.

Naked.

Thank you for the feedback

Oysters cry

Cliched Caterpillars die

Wrapped in White

I wiped away tears of humiliation

I am an island

For whom the bell tolls

Today I celebrate my weakness

In my weakness

I will be made strong.

I can see no way out but through

For whom the bell tolls?

It tolls for me.

Dont feel sorry for me.

At Tajimaya during Restaurant Week

Tip: Best cure for feeling sorry is to celebrate. And feed off another’s creativity. Shout out to the young chef who cooked tis meal. Notice the handcrafted mushroom from radish.

Yesterday my neighbours T&D gave me a box of Alphonso mangoes which they acquired from Little India- Tekka Market ahead of India’s lockdown. Good thinking.

I was the lucky beneficiary as they know I like the lovely fragrance of Alphonso. But I declined saying I will only take one or two as they spoil easily. Not to be deterred, the resourceful T gave me suggestions of pressing them to juice, making lassi – Indian yogurt drink.

I decided that I shall cut one immediately. To my surprise, I realised that the firm Alphonsoes are already ripe. Unlike Thai mangoes which are sour when firm, Alphonsoes are sweet when ripe.

I have been keeping them past their shelf life, no wonder the previous box had to be thrown away.

Recently, someone, on hearing that I was taking another certification reflected. You dont need another course. Its time to just do it.

Why do we hoard? We hoard to store for a rainy day. Some items are perishable, and cannot be hoarded. They spoil or past their prime. We say No to chocolate cake. I dont like chocolate, its too heaty for my body. Extra calories with no enjoyment. I say no to alcahol and cigarettes. I say no to risky behaviour that I will regret at leisure. I say no to losing my temper.

I say yes to …

What am I saying yes to…

Do it. As Nike yells!

Now! My self-coach is yelling.

Now.

Thank you T & D for your message in the mangoes!

#mango #now #TIME #procrastinate #validate

I am appreciating how conversations can be nourishing. Often, I’m hopeful for solution focused futures. Having started my career in the diplomatic service and later venturing into headhunting and the human capital field, I’ve learnt that choice of words can make or break conversations.

Unhelpful comments, unintentional or otherwise, can prevent conversations from moving forward:

Accusing: “You need to ask yourself if the problem is you?….

Blaming: “I did this for you..” or “because I was helping you… [negative event happened]

Globalising: “You always …. ” “You never …”

Interrogating (tone): “Why did you do this?...”

Demeaning: “You are not joking...” “Good luck to you…”

Preaching: “You should…” “When I was your age….” “When I was [doing this job],...”

Threatening: “You better ...”

Judging: “You are not interested in making this work..” “You don’t care about...”

Excusing: “Dont worry, things will get better“.

Instigating: “He said you disrespected him

Tone of voice including sarcasm or anger. Non-verbal cues like rolling of eyes or twitching of mouth or sniggering, “humph”, interrupting the flow.

“What in the world were you thinking of?”

Joanne Koo

Director, Centre for Solution Focused Futures

To nourish dreams for a sustainable future

“Its not only the desire for wealth and position that debases and subjugates, but also the desire for peace, leisure, travel and learning. It doesnt matter what the external thing is, the value we place on it subjugates us to another … where our heart is set, there our impediment lies.”

– Epictetus, Discourses, 4.4.1-2; 15 (from The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman).

Ryan Holiday asks “surely Epictetus is not saying that peace and travel are bad, is he?” No, he explains. But ceaseless, ardent desire is filled with “potential complications”.

I am reminded of a verse in Bible that money is not the root of all evil. The love of money is.

When we pine for something, we set ourselves for disappointment. We can lose our self control in response.

Authors suggest that a good goal, like “love or a noble cause” can set you up just as well.

My self reflection: this verse jumps out at me and helps explain something Im going through, have been going through, esp with manipulative family members.

Coaching question of the day

Are you in control of your desires, or are they in control of you?

Truth will set you free.

I used to think that being authentic means being honest, about the way things are, the way I feel about an issue.

In “The practice of Adaptive Leadership”, Jeff Lawrence points out ” there is no such thing as a dysfunctional organisation, because every organisation is perfectly aligned to achieve the results it currently gets.”

Any social system is the way it is, because people (esp important people) in that system want it that way. “No one who tries to name or address the dysfunction will be popular.”

As a coach, if you take on the task of pointing out flawed thinking or any gaps thinking you are “authentic”, “truthful”, being ethical and doing someone a favour, dont be shocked when you do not receive an applause for identifying a gap between the professed value and current reality.

Adaptive change is a risk.

Authors advise that a change coach/consultant focus on “how to mobilise and sustain people through the period of risk.”

I found this statement so simple and profound.

Coaching question of the day

Is there a broken system you see? Whats better left unsaid? Are you prepared to speak only when your words are worthy of being heard? (The Daily Stoic)


One of my coaching clients shared that he was very anxious but didnt know why. We have this conversation every week for past 6 months. Where he tells me he is anxious but not sure why.

His anxiety is not unexpected given the current economic conditions and the “departures” from his firm. Especially the conversations he is having with his bosses who are down-sizing.

The question is not WHY? His anxiety is natural, given the circumstances. It is HOW?

How can I improve my well being despite the circumstances?

% time spent in affirmative relationship
% time spent in flow, engagement activities
% time spent in meaningful activity
% time spent in positive emotions
% time spent in achievement

Source: Martin Seligman’s PERMA Model

Total : Anxiety level

Indeed he was catching up with well-meaning ex colleagues spending 3 hrs going through all the conspiracy theories over the weekend on power play. His fear level spiked.

How can I improve my well being despite the circumstances?